Forgiveness

Matthew 6:11-13

11 Give us today our daily bread,
12 and forgive us our debts, as we ourselves have forgiven our debtors.
13 And do not lead us into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one.

Mark 11:25
25 Whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, 
forgive him, so that your Father in heaven will also forgive you your sins.”
The NET Bible

This has been a year of goodbyes. Partly, it’s a feature of growing older that you have more funerals to go to. Still it’s sad to say goodbye to close friends and family when they pass on to their eternal reward. Sadder still is when someone passes on leaving unforgiveness and bitterness in their wake. Fortunately, I have been to some memorial services that were joyful, in a sad sort of way, and were celebrations of a life well lived. These dear friends were prepared to go to their heavenly home, and made sure that their families had made peace. Not leaving unresolved issues is a great blessing to those left behind.

Unfortunately, there have been other cases where unresolved issued remained. In my nearly 7 decades of life, I’ve noted that unforgiveness is one of the biggest problems in relationships. Unforgiveness can leads bitterness which can causer disease in body, soul and spirit. Why is it so difficult for us to forgive?

I have heard some teachers say that unforgiveness is like taking poison from someone, drinking it down, and expecting the other person to die! It just doesn’t work that way. When someone hurts you, it would be nice if they asked for forgiveness, but even if they don’t, the hurt will rot in your soul if you do not get it out by forgiving them. If someone gave you poison, you would want to spit it out or get your stomach pumped, so that you would not get sick and die. It is to your benefit that you get the poison out of your system. Now your assailant might benefit indirectly, in that they could not be convicted of murder if you don’t die, but the primary benefit is to yourself. Forgiveness is the same. Note what the writer of Hebrews says about a root of bitterness.

Hebrews 12:15

15 See to it that no one comes short of the grace of God, that no one be like a bitter root springing up and causing trouble, and through him many become defiled.

How can we forgive someone who is unforgivable, who has not asked to be forgiven, or has even died without seeking to be reconciled? It’s hard, but it is possible through prayer and a determined attitude. The first step is to resolve that you will not suffer bitterness because someone else has hurt you. You can’t get better by wishing someone else to suffer for the harm they have caused you. You can only get better by uprooting the bitterness and spitting out the poison. Perhaps the other person will come around, but perhaps not. The important thing is for you to start the healing of your own soul by forgiving them.

It’s also important to note that forgiveness is not a feeling. You hear the expression “forgive and forget”, but that is not quite correct. You need to forgive, but you can’t really forget, but you can release the bitterness. Also forgiveness has nothing to do with the worthiness of the other person deserving to be forgiven. Remember, the poison is in you even if it came from them. You can’t take the poison out of them, you can only remove the poison from yourself. Pray for them that they will repent, that is change, their ways, but that part is not up to you alone. Only God can change someones heart. Start by overcoming your hurt feelings and make a decision to forgive, asking God to help you to do what seems impossible.

What if the person who hurt you is no longer with us? How can you resolve those wounds? It certainly takes prayer and the grace of God, but it is possible. One exercise that I have found useful, is to write a letter to the person who hurt you. In that letter, say what you always wanted to say, but were not able to say in person. Be sure to express your forgiveness, even if the hurt remains. When done, seal it up, build a bonfire and let the smoke carry your prayer to the heavens. Your Father, who is in heaven, will hear and begin to heal and forgive you. If you have family and friends with you around the fire, you might want to share good memories of the person. Once you have forgiven them, you will be surprised at the good things you will remember. It is the rare person who doesn’t leave some positive legacy, something to celebrate about their life. I know, it sounds impossible before you do it, but if you forgive them, it will start a healing process that will turn that root of bitterness into peace and joy.

Bottom line, in this Christmas season, seek to live at peace with all men. It is often said that church (and family) would be a lot easier to deal with if it weren’t for all the people in it! But people and relationships are what life is all about.  Try forgiveness. It may not seem to give the same satisfaction as holding onto an old grudge, but you will be much healthier and peaceful if you forgive.

Merry Christmas, Pease and Goodwill to all Men!

Legacy

Legacy

Psalm 1:1-4

How blessed is the one who does not follow the advice of the wicked,

or stand in the pathway with sinners,

or sit in the assembly of scoffers!

Instead he finds pleasure in obeying the Lordʼs commands;

he meditates on his commands day and night.

He is like a tree planted by flowing streams;

it yields its fruit at the proper time,

and its leaves never fall off.

He succeeds in everything he attempts.

Not so with the wicked!

Instead they are like wind-driven chaff.

The NET Bible

It’s been too long since I’ve posted a blog entry, but a cold, rainy day in Texas seems like as good a time as any to start. With a change in seasons, one tends to contemplate the meaning of life. Especially when someone in your sphere of relationships passes away. The big chill swept through Texas yesterday, dropping the temperature 30 degrees, and an equally sudden departure in the last few days led to conversations in our family about legacy.

Consider Psalm 1; "Blessed be the man…" it says in more traditional translations. Since most of our friends and family are christians of one sort or another, we tend to take it for granted that each one will leave a legacy like the man in Psalm 1. He yields fruit in due season and succeeds in everything. He is like an old fruit tree that may be gnarled and droopy, but that has yielded fruit for many years and fed the family faithfully. Even in it’s passing, it’s branches will provide heat for the fireplace, or perhaps even a beautiful peace of cherry wood furniture! If you have a full orchard of fruitful trees, you might tend to take this one for granted.

But then, when suddenly, someone you know passes away suddenly, and you notice that he didn’t follow the Lord faithfully, you observe that his legacy is quite different. His life didn’t look all that different when he was alive, but on his passing, the lawyers and bill collectors expose all of his dirty secrets. Not only did he not leave a monetary legacy to his children, but instead he left a mountain of bills and debt. His fortune was like the wicked in Psalm 1, who’s end is like wind-driven chaff. There is a gust and a cloud of dust, and then everything is gone. There is nothing left but the itch under your collar from the chaff that lodged there. Sadly, this was also the fate of my acquaintance. Everything was blown away in the wind, and the family that was left behind was left with irritations, chaffing (as it were) against one another, arguing about the few remaining positions in the will. So sad.

I am so grateful that my parents and in-laws that have passed on, left a Godly legacy. They didn’t leave a fortune in gold, but they left the world a better place. They provided for those they left behind, and were fondly remembered by all who received their kind help and companionship while they lived. What a blessing… Like a tree planted by the water that bears sweet fruit in proper season.

So what legacy will you leave behind?